Lies and Theft Do Not Justify Any Leadership

Telling lies, stealing and imposing on common space do not justify any leadership or good intention.  

In helping any women or men, the most important consideration is to respect the individual's being and choice. The most violent abuse is to impose.  

Let us imagine a society where the predominant view is for women to sit down and shut up.  

Somewhere, somehow, a few people decided to provide an alternative for women to stand up and speak out. They conducted workshops and screened movies. Of those who attended, some were uncomfortable and some even felt that it down right wrong. A few welcomed the alternative and felt more alive. They began to speak up at meetings. They asked for a world where love can be expressed freely and reproductive facts of life explained openly. This touched a chord in the hearts of many women, especially the mothers. Soon, more women were speaking up and expressing themselves.  

Alas, the rowdiness was brought to the high priest's attention and the workshop was banned.  

Many years later, the high priest is now faced with a shortage of funds and girls are promptly told to stop school. After all, girls only do what they are told and for years, many feel that it is a waste to teach girls how to think and speak.  

Henceforth, all the girls on the land live through life in total silence. They are only allowed loud moaning during sex, but only when told to.

Feminism and My Ah-ma's Vegetarian Beehoon

Real men do cry. I turned on the television this morning and caught sight of Mr Lee Kuan Yew crying back in 1965, in a documentary, The History of Singapore. At a youthful age of 42, Mr Lee Kuan Yew had to reckon with a reality that went against a belief he held the whole of his adult life – the merger of Malaysia and Singapore. 

Real women do cry, too. My ah-ma is 95 years old. Although healthy, she is dying and she knows it herself. My grandmother was given up for adoption since infant and started work as a live-in maid since 7 years old. Although she is now loved by a big family of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, she still doesn't cry easily, except for the times her young son died in an air crash and her young granddaughter died of a heart failure.

Besides crying, what else do real men and women have in common? Birth, illness, death, families, favourite foods, dreams, frustrations and the occasion confusion, to name a few. Recently, all good men and women in this land went through a full month of thinking and talking about women, sex, religion and politics. What would all this mean to my ah-ma? Bedridden from a fall, she called to ask how was our preparation for the EGM, as she knew that I was volunteering with AWARE. When I visited her, she advised me not to fight but to live and let live, to forgive and let go. She lamented that her legs are weak now and she could no longer cook vegetarian beehoon for me and my friends at AWARE. My father promptly reminded that she cooked beehoon for the volunteers helping out in the 1961 Bukit Ho Swee fire and for the students and workers active in the 1960s independence movement. In recent years, when I turned vegetarian, she insisted on giving me a big tupperware full of vegetarian beehoon on chinese new year eves. “So that you won't go hungry on the first day of the new year”, she would say.

My ah-ma's vegetarian beehoon is vegetarian because for most of her life, she lived on a tight budget. White soft beehoon garnished with a few strips of carrots and greens – a simple recipe of life, a simple lesson in feminism for me. Life is simple isn't it? Sufficient food, a roof over our heads, a decent job, loving families and friends. And if possible, a chance at living a life of respect, service and compassion.

It is the state of our society that not everyone want to be civil society activists or community leaders. Most people hope and pray that unfairness and harm do not come their way. If a daughter or friend was molested, raped or abused by her husband, most of us may not necessarily know what to do. We may even fear the danger of getting too involved. Yet we feel the pain in our hearts for what she is going through. On the other hand, if we see a woman bullying her husband, child or colleague, we feel a disquiet sense of unjust or even anger. And usually we do not do anything much as well.

A woman growing up living her life can do good things and bad things – depending on her motivation and the context of her actions. A group of women fighting for women's rights can do good things and bad things – depending on their clarity, purpose and the openness of the society. Amidst a sea of expectations and perceptions, how should women's groups find their missions? In a complex and fragmented world, what is freedom for some women may be oppression for others. If a woman is earning good money and enjoying a senior management position, how easy is it for her to give it all up? Will fellow women support her or feel a wasted opportunity in championing women's rights through her position and wealth? As I get on in life, will I unintentionally replicate the custom of patriarchal (or matriarchal) command over others, especially those younger and marginalised? Fighting for rights is never easy nor straight forward. Unfortunately, we sometimes focus too much on tangible progresses while taking for granted the process – of making conscious choices to be compassionate and respectful.

Growing up on my ah-ma's beehoon, I realise that as long as we do not go hungry, it doesn't matter how much garnish we have in our beehoon. It would be nice to have salmon or organic toufu but what matters is that everyone is fed and feels the love.

I think my ah-ma is a feminist. But it doesn't matter to her and it sure doesn't matter to all the volunteers, students and workers who were fed by her. My ah-ma and many men and women around me have demonstrated that feminism, as with any social cause or movement, works best if it transcends beyond a label, an ideology, a politic, a right or a fight. It is about helping the discriminated and those suffering, while empowering with respect and choice. 

For my ah-ma, it is never about fighting but about compassion – no one wants to be unhappy and everyone wants to feel safe. Let us all do what we can, while we can.... while we can.

Reflections of a non-new-non-old AWARE member

It is urgent and critical that AWARE and our civil society transcend organisational norms and leadership structures, so as to seize the opening and momentum of May 2nd for the greater freedom and good of Singapore. . In the spirit of working for all women and men with trust, respect and choice, I would like to voice out my honest observations and concerns. My deep apologies if I cause any misunderstand in this clumsy sharing.

Although I joined AWARE 15 years ago and contributed to its helpline and a few excos, I am not sure if I am an old-guard. When I was working with a passionate group of women and men for the past two weeks preparing for the EGM, I was not sure if I was old-new or new-new member. Does this identifying really matter? Of course not, so what really matters? AWARE and Singapore.


1. The House of AWARE - Limitations of Inactive Members and Leadership Challenges 

AWARE is not the only CSO or even civic organisation that faces the challenge of inactive members and leadership transition issues. In fact, I would venture to say most organisations face similar challenges. Let us examine the root causes. For the past 24 years, AWARE is a house where feminists try hard to co-exist and unite. Alas, feminists come in all ideologies and cultural backgrounds. No matter how you agree to disagree or not fight, there will be tensions and multiple positions. Our passions and anxieties were further heightened as we were “held ransom” by a singular identity that society “restrict” onto us – AWARE women. 

The head of a household can only be an individual or a small team of leaders. Surely, it cannot be that everyone living in the house can be heads of household? Hence, over the years, the torch bearers for AWARE became the dedicated “old guards”. For all the years when AWARE did not have sufficient people running for exco, the “old guards” came forth to carry on the torch. Overtime, sub-cultures evolved among these regular leaders and new members. My personal journey in AWARE is such that I felt the shoes of the regular leaders too big to fill. I was not sure how much I should push for my ideas or introduce new ways of working as I respect the years of hard work and sacrifice that the regular leaders put in to grow AWARE. Hence we have this unfortunate situation where the regular leaders kept asking for more help while the new members do not dare to step up. This seems to be a common script in most organisations that are registered societies.

2. An AWARE Village with a Computer Server In the Rainbow Coalition

In 1999, when the working committee (twc), a network of civil society activists from diverse fields was organically formed, I quickly got myself involved as I wanted to find out how else civil society activists could organise ourselves. I discovered there were other ways of organising, such as a company limited by guarantee or social movement coalitions. Internationally we witnessed the complex coordinated protests by the international civil society at the 2000 Seattle WTO meeting. Locally, we see groups such as Raleigh Singapore, Food For Thought, ECO, HOME and TWC2 innovating their leadership, membership, organisation, and coalition technologies. With the recent EGM, we-are-aware was able to mobilise, communicate and recruit in very short time and with great efficiency and tremendous fun! 

There is much for the current AWARE exco to review, restore and engage our membership of 3000. It is a very happy challenge for sure and we can consider a hybrid organisational format of an interest group with the new social movements. NSMs emphasize civic aspects of social changes in lifestyle and culture, rather than restricting changes in the public and economic aspects. Hence, NSMs do not need to be formal organisations with members but informal, loosely organised social network of supporters. Interestingly, NSMs seem to last longer than single issue campaigns and aim at change on various issues in relation to their set of beliefs and ideals. This hybrid solves our leadership renewal challenge as we no longer need to restrict ourselves into one house but honour the blooming of a hundred flowers all at the same time(百花齐放).

Indeed AWARE can expand its house to include the diverse interests and concerns of its new members while staying true to its focus of research, advocacy and direct services towards gender equity - much like a village with a computer server, to link up on the internet. In this way, the AWARE values of trust, respect, choice, diversity, inclusiveness and openness need not contradict in physical groupings or cyberspace groupings. And AWARE can work creatively and strategically with other stakeholders in the Rainbow Coalition. 


3. Healing After the Storm – An Inward Journey of Gratitude and Letting Go

As a civil society activist and social worker, I am so aware of the importance of self-care. In the past two weeks and coming months, I am so grateful for fellow activists who have cared for me and who will continue to do so. I will do the same for you all. Self-care at a personal level involves taking stock of our fears, anxieties and ego; and trusting a few people into our lives to love and support us deeply. Self-care at an organisation level entails members coming together to process hurt and affirm unity and love. Self-care at a civil society level requires us to be generous and respect differences.

4. Enjoy the Rainbow

There is really no point holding blindly on to anger, fear or ego, as we have learnt from our immediate past exco. Let it go, and be free and be alive to enjoy the rainbow!

The strength of civil society is exactly creative problem solving propelling by a sense of justice and truth. If a house does not provide for leadership renewal or multiple heads, then let's build a village. If the village is too far to reach, let's build a virtual community. 

Learning from the achievements of the EGM, as long as we are united, we trust and we respect, hundred flowers will bloom towards greater equity and compassion. The pot of gold at the end of this rainbow coalition certainly can be shared with all like-minded folks, disadvantaged people, animals and the entire eco system.

For all women (men, animals and plants) – trust, respect, choice